


Guilt

by iliketowritealot



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 'the group' is just the hamilsquad save for mulligan and jefferson bc of t h i n g s, A DAY LATER I REMEMBER THAT BURR IS IN THIS TOO AGSJSJS IM AWFUL, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Help, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It is 3 in the morning, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, again really hope you like i ily, also sorry this is short ajdasdjkdlk, ask to tag, coming to terms, goerge is a really shitty person in this lmaoo, mentions of abuse, mentions of rape/noncon, mostly laurens tho tbh, seabury and laurens need a hug, theyre all in harvard dont ask why, this isnt gonna make sense but w h a t e v e r hope u like it anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 03:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12246006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iliketowritealot/pseuds/iliketowritealot
Summary: Samuel Seabury only asks for forgiveness from an emotionally distraught John Laurens from something he did months ago that still haunt the both of them to this day. Or rather, something Seabury didn't do.or,seabury comes to terms that george is an AssholeTM





	Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> agskdahjdjbsad this wont make sense but this is for @ lovelykc aka my best homiebro in the world i love u also g u s s y
> 
> i really hope i did seabury's character ok tho asdidjallkd
> 
> i might end up deleting this, prolly not, but just so u know r i p
> 
> enjoy

Regret began to quickly fill every fiber and cell of Samuel Seabury’s body as soon as John Laurens took a breath and walked towards him with a certain uneasiness in his step, his friends in a group behind him, the same look of distrust and something only Seabury could describe as anger, at the very least, on their faces.

Well, maybe he should rephrase himself; Samuel Seabury felt regret every single day of his life, ever since the day with George, Laurens, and the bathroom. In fact, he felt regret ever since he found out who the real George was. The feeling of regret had only seemed to double and manifest within him on this very particular day. And he knew damn well the reason was of because of the circumstances he was under. Because of John.

He had to admit, he would always be loyal to George with every decision and action he made, no matter how awful and disgusting he morally found it to be. He had to, if he was honest. George had been his only friend through the first two unforgiving years of college. The only one who stuck around. So to Seabury, he had a huge debt to pay, and the only way to do that was to stick around himself.

And look where that got him.

Since the first moment he woke up that morning, he knew what he had to do. Since word spread that George was murdered, he knew what he had to do. Hell, even shortly after what happened in the goddamn bathroom he knew what he had to do; he just didn’t have the courage to do so until now that the one thing that set him back was gone forever.

He had to make amends. With Laurens, at least.

If he were to apologize to everyone that son of a bitch ever violated, he would lose the entire day. And he knew he couldn’t do that. The body count was too high. Part of his big plan was to live for himself now.

Laurens was inching closer now. Time seemed to move too slow for Seabury’s comfort and he felt like he was gonna puke. But he knew better than anyone it was too late to back away now.

He knew when he reluctantly called Angelica and Lafayette earlier that day to arrange this horror show of a meeting.

He knew when he found out about what George did to Laurens for the first time.

He knew when he first got himself into all this mess.

Laurens was standing in front of him now, noticing how the freckled man wasn’t making any effort to make eye contact, or to even speak. Seabury found himself fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater in the silence swallowing the both of them like a whale.

When Laurens finally glanced at Seabury with those brown eyes that had a sort of sadness in them he couldn’t quite pinpoint right away, he quickly looked down, pivoting his foot to leave.

“I-I’m sorry!” Seabury blurted in a panic, praying to anyone who was listening he didn’t hear the pathetic desperation that he felt inside find its way to his voice. Laurens paused for a moment, almost shocked, before he returned to standing helplessly in front of him, avoiding eye contact once more.

“I… can only suspect you’re angry,” Seabury said hesitantly. It was then that Laurens looked at him.

“I’m not angry,” he replied. Seabury only stared at him blankly. “OK, maybe I am angry, but not as angry as I was when everything happened.” 

He paused.

“OK, I’m still as angry as I was when everything happened, but,” he took a shaky breath, looking at the sidewalk as if the words he was looking for could be found down there, “Jesus, I don’t know. This might sound weird, but, I feel sympathetic.”

“Sympathetic? You feel sympathetic? For me?” Seabury asked in utter disbelief. 

“What? Did you want pity as well? Because I feel you have enough of that,” Laurens said coldly. Seabury winced at the dull pain in his chest out of habit. Laurens’ expression relaxed a bit, reaching a hand towards Seabury in hopes to calm him but stopping immediately, knowing full well what he could’ve associated the action with. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, no,” Seabury said quickly, waving his hands in front of him, “Please, this is what I owe you after everything that’s happened.”

“You don’t have to owe me anything. That’s not a healthy way of thinking.”

“What?”

“Listen, I feel sympathetic for you because I was in your place once.” Seabury blinked for a moment, completely dumbfounded.

“What… w-what do you mean ‘in my place’?” Seabury asked. Laurens broke eye contact with Seabury.

“I don’t want to get much into it but…” he looked at Seabury again, sincerity building up in his eyes, “I’m just stating the facts here when I say that you were in a toxic relationship.” Seabury tensed a bit, his eyes wide.

“Oh, no, we were never together-“

“I didn’t say you were.” 

It wasn’t like the fact that Seabury was in a horrible situation with George was at all big and shocking news to him or anyone who knew them, but for someone to actually say it out loud and to his face and having known it from personal experience shook him to the core, sending chills down his spine. 

It was Seabury’s turn to look away now.

“He was just… the only one who seemed to care and… I couldn’t go back.” Laurens could only nod in understanding.

“Now, I’m not saying that what you’ve done is inexcusable because you were in an abusive relationship, because either way, what you did was pretty shitty.”  
Seabury looked up at him, nodding in agreement.

“But,” he continued, “what matters is that you’re making a difference in yourself. And even though I’m still pretty pissed, and sad, and really fucking angry, I know that I could forgive you someday. Today, maybe not, but someday.”

Seabury could only stare in silence, his eyes wide. He wasn’t expecting him to accept his apology, but he was not expecting the conflicting feelings of loss and gain. Of hope and hopelessness. He couldn’t explain why, but there was something in the way he said those words with breaking into a reassuring smile or a positive gesture or anything other than a blank face, but still sensing something genuine in his words anyway. 

He felt intimidated and comforted, but there was still one emotion that was bigger than the tornado of feelings he was experiencing at the moment.

Guilt.

Seabury blinked at Laurens, turning away, still wide eyed as he opens and closes his palm.

“I should… go now,” Laurens stated simply, quiet, turning away from him and walking toward his group of friends. Seabury could see the small shape of Elizabeth Schuyler, a worried look contorting her face. Laurens shook his head and left the group of his friends.

Whatever they were saying, Seabury couldn’t hear, although it was probably for the best anyway. He could only stand there, useless and awkward. Like he’s always been. 

He took a moment took look around at his terrain- the Harvard University field. His head slowly filled with brazen and unorganized thoughts of his anxieties, the feeling of regret dissolving with the quiet.

Though, it wouldn’t be first time he acknowledged it, it would be the first time he ever truly saw and accepted what he went through as what it was.

Samuel Seabury was in an emotionally abusive relationship with George “King” Fredrick III.

Was.

He was separated from his thoughts when he noticed Aaron Burr walking in his direction this time, with only one thought in his mind now:

Fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> me: i should finish my bmc fic, my other fic drafts, art, and homework  
> also me: writes this in under two hours
> 
> also please give me validation on my tumblr
> 
> @ disoriiiented


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